Thinking

These two are my life.  So, when I think about going back to work I'm torn.  And, it makes my stomach hurt.  My husband has the impression that I can do it all.  I can have a job that challenges me intellectuality, makes a lot of money and allows me the flexibility to be there for the kids (not needing child care).  I ask you, does a job like this exist??  If so, wouldn't we all want it??  I am trying.  I apply for jobs and interview.  So far I haven't had an offer, but I wonder if I get one will I turn it down?  I'm so fearful.  Is it the right thing for me?  For the kids?  For our family? I do feel a financial responsibility and a need to contribute to our family.  Let's face it, College isn't cheap.  Retirement isn't cheap.  LIFE isn't cheap.  (Did I mention I want a pool in the backyard and a finished basement and fantastic vacations and an Audi??)  I guess in the end the right position and the "right" thing to do will find me.  I will trust in this vast universe of ours.  Find me perfect job!  I'm right here waiting for you!